Warchild

Introducing my cool new e-book! It's sixteen pages long, with 12 poems and cool photos of me as a kid.

It's available for $2.50 and you can find the link on my sidebar. (Sorry to all my honeybugs who've had to deal with me posting about this everywhere). I worked really hard on this and there are some silly pictures so I hope that if you do purchase it, you will like it! ♡

—

I had such a busy day with my aunt today! (I'm going to explain my family tree to you guys so that you don't have to get huge headaches every single time I talk about them).

I'm most involved with my family from my mom's side. My mom is the youngest in her family and has four older siblings. From first to last and the names of who they're married to and what I call them. The plus sign means they're married to that person. I also listed their kids (ie my cousins) too.

NAME (what I call them) + NAME (what I call them) 

>kid

>kid
>kid

Listiyani (Wa Ie) + Herman (Wa Tio) // JOGJAKARTA

>Riris

>Ratri
>Reza

Ariany (Ji Ie) + Achung (Ji Tio/Om Achung) // PEKALONGAN

>Vicky

>Feli
>Adi
>Bella

Benny (Ku Benny) + Yulianti (Kim Yuli) // SERPONG

>Kevin

>Cynthia
>Josephine

Liliaswari (Ie Lili) + Thomas (Om Thomas) // JAKARTA

>Clive

>Jovan
>David

and then my mom:

Prajnawati (Mami) + Tirta (Papi) // TEXAS

>Theodora

>Matthew
>Evan
>Ansel

So that's all my family from my mother's side. And since I'm in Jogja, I'm now with Wa Ie and Wa Tio.

This afternoon we went to deliver rambutan to the local seminaries in Jogja, as a sort of welcoming gift for the new year. Afterwards we picked up an old Royal typewriter from Wa Ie's friend. It's at least thirty years old but seems to be in good working condition. The ink was all dried out, so we stopped by a crafts store near our house and bought an ink reel. I'm excited to use it and expect to start writing tomorrow! Wish me luck.

After we delivered the last of the rambutan baskets we went to one of the local churches in Yogyakarta to pray. My aunt lit three candles, I cozied up in a chair behind her, and then we began praying separately. If you're curious, I'm nondenominational Christian (I think I've mentioned this before) and she's Catholic. I'm trying to be more grounded in my faith, and more open with it too. After such an odd beginning to the year I can't help but be comforted by God and by the love of my aunt who has been praying for me each night without fail for over two years. (Without her I don't think I would have the second chance that I do in this lovely country).

There's so much work to be done and lately I'm often feeling overwhelmed (that sensation of being trailed by heavy blankets comes and goes). I think I'll do my best to focus more on school so that I can do better next semester. I still don't know if I'm going to stay at Swiss German University or if I'm going to move somewhere else, but I'm sure that as long as I believe in the best, everything will turn out alright. 

Living in Indonesia is a strange experience that continues to surprise me each day. Having such a large family is both wonderful and headache-inducing. We're all going to Pekalongan this February for Chinese New Year, and I'm very excited for that because I'll be able to see my mother's side of the family all at once (excepting, of course, my own immediate family). 

That wild flirtation with Manis came to an abrupt end the other day. It was fascinating, truthfully: like watching something explode in slow-motion while you are only a meter from it. There are no more stolen hours or New Year's Kisses to be exchanged between the two of us—only mild disappointment and halfhearted "I'll miss you"s. Now we are miles away, each watching the wreckage from our respective little enclaves.

On a very random and perhaps heartwarming note, I was up very late last night watching Cardcaptor Sakura. I wasn't sure if I'd watched all the episodes so I thought I'd reminisce a bit. Turns out I definitely have watched all the episodes (there are 70) but it was still so much fun watching their adventures with the Clow/Sakura cards. I wonder what it would be like to live in a world where magic is tangible.

(I am currently boiling yams to eat with my aunt and that is very exciting. I live for these little joys).

All my love,

Ebi

Literary Babies

 There are two parts to this post: first, I'll tell you stories about my lovely weekend vacation with Rain, and then, I'll talk about my New Year's Eve.

Channeling my Doctor Eggman.

I love this photo so so much. 

at Ace House in Jogjakarta!

This was homemade wine, and absolutely wonderful, and after 3 cup-things I got tipsy.

I'M SCREAMING BECAUSE I DIDN'T KNOW THIS PHOTO WAS BEING TAKEN.

So if you didn't know, my face gets really really red as soon as alcohol enters my system.

Boys Will Be Boys.

Rain's mother's friend (whew) has a villa in Seyegan, which is a part of Jogja, and that's where we stayed from 27 December to 39 December. We talked about boys (of course) and ate lovely, lovely food, and we also went to Beringharjo to find typewriters for Rain and her wonderful German boyfriend. I had my own things to do, which I will...refrain from telling about.

—

My deers, it is now officially 2016 everywhere in the world. If you're reading this, I would like to congratulate you for making it into this year. It's now been a year since my SA, and funnily enough, I think I'm doing much better this time around. 

How was my New Year's Eve? Well, I went to dinner on the 30th to a Japanese restaurant, courtesy of someone's (let's call him Manis) family. Have you ever been to dinner with a very large group of people you have mostly never met before? It is nerve-wracking, and my anxiety acted up quite a bit that night.

Fortunately, I and some distant relatives and 2 of my cousins left early to watch Ip Man 3, which made me cry three times and which I recommend.

On the 31st at around 19:00 Manis' family started their New Year's celebration at the Wisma Pojok Indah, which is the guest house across the street from my aunt's house and which she helps run. (It's a large guest house). All in all it was a grand celebration, and I was able to talk more to Manis' family members, who are funny and sweet, if a little odd. Still wholly intimidating, but somehow it worked out. 

Anyways, it was a lovely New Year's Eve, and those of you who subscribe to my newsletter know what else happened 2 days ago.

2015 was a wild year, honestly. It involved so much self-discovery, self-reflection, anger, and heartbreak. I fell in and out of love. I ended the longest relationship I've had to date. I went through the ordeal of getting an Indonesian student visa. I slowly improved my Indonesian (that's ongoing). I met Madina and Rain and Moz and, of course, Manis, and so many other people that made my days so beautiful. I am saying goodbye to 2015 and all of its happenings. You were kind to me, monumentally so. 

And 2016, you young beast which will inevitably plague me and simultaneously bring me awful joy, I welcome you. Here's to more sleepless nights giggling because of corny jokes, and to stolen hours full of joy, to stories we don't expect. There will be many anxious days and debilitating loss, I'm sure, but the sun will still rise and we will move forward, together, wondering constantly at the infinite beauty that surrounds us. I am so eager to celebrate this life, and I hope that part of you is, too.

With all my love,

Theodora

Holidays in Jogjakarta

Wow I love low-qual photos dari pinggir jalan, love it.

This is from ello, where Topaz tagged me. And I am including it here because I think it is interesting enough. I'm grumpy.

Where were you 3 hours ago? 

Asleep.

Who are you in love with? 

Someone with the whole world in his eyes.

Have you ever eaten a crayon? 

You know, I like to think I was a civilized child.

Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you? 

I am wearing a glorious pink dress with white bird silhouettes on it. Other than that, no.

When is the last time you went to the mall? 

I can't recall. Recently, though. I went to Aeon a week or so ago.

Are you wearing socks right now? 

I haven't worn socks in 5 months.

Does your family have a car worth over $2,000?

All our cars are worth over $2,000 because we're snobby.

When was the last time you drove out of town? 

Last week.

Have you been to the movies in the last 5 days? 

The last time I went to the movies was in November to watch 'the gift' and I prefer not to think about that.

Are you hot? 

Hell yes I am.

What was the last thing you had to drink? 

Hot jasmine tea, which is my favorite.

What are you wearing right now? 

See question #04.

Do you wash your car or let the car wash do it? 

I'll answer this question another time, when I am in possession of a car.

Last food that you ate? 

Christmas cookies, which were divine.

Where were you last week at this time?
In Rain's house preparing for her book launch.

Have you bought any clothing items in the last week?
I have not. I am hoping to this week. I'm afraid I didn't bring enough clothes to Jogja.

When is the last time you ran? 

High school, maybe, when I was afraid of being late to class. I don't run anymore.

What's the last sporting event you watched? 

I don't watch the television and I don't keep up with sports.

What is your favourite animal?
Deer, sheep and sharks.

Your dream vacation?
Travelling the world with a camera, books, and the as-of-yet-unknown love of my life. Or camping. Anywhere, really.

Last person's house you were in?
My aunt's home in Condong Catur, Jogjakarta.

Worst injury you've ever had?
One time I spent three years loving someone and then we came to a point where we could no longer love each other.

Have you been in love? 

Are you stupid?

Do you miss anyone right now? 

Yes, yes, yes.

Last play you saw? 

The Sound of Music in 2014.

Who is the last person you sent a myspace message or comment? 

What is this, the stone age?

Next trip you are going to take? 

Next year I might go to Bali again. And I'm on a vacation right now to Jogja.

Ever go to camp? 

Yes! I've been to lots of camps and retreats; most of them were terrible.

Were you an honour roll student in school? 

I was. Although I don't think that matters.

What do you want to know about the future? 

I would like to know why I have met certain people and where they are going to lead me and whether I will be as successful of a writer as I wish to be.

Are you wearing any perfume or cologne? 

Nope! 

Are you due sometime this year for a doctor's visit?

I am not.

Where is your best friend? 

In a different town.

How is your best friend? 

Doing very well, I should think, now that it's the holidays.

Do you have a tan? 

Unfortunately, I have one from bali that lingers. It is very stubborn.

What are you listening to right now? 

Silence. I don't often listen to music while working.

Do you collect anything? 

Books and the hearts of men.

Who is the biggest gossiper you know? 

My grandmother. It's thrilling. That's how I get all the family/extended family news.

Last time you got stopped by a cop or pulled over? 

I'm too cute for that and too young to drive. I'm being facetious.

Have you ever drunk your soda from a straw? 

I don't drink soda.

What does your last text message say? 

"I wanted to go to Ganjuran but there was no time."

Do you like hot sauce?
Yes.

Last time you took a shower? 

1 hour ago.

Do you need to do laundry? 

Yes, because my clothes are running out. But technically by "doing laundry" I really just mean "waiting for the clothes lady to come by and pick up the dirty clothes."

What is your heritage? 

Chinese Malaysian-Indonesian. But mostly just Indonesian.

Are you someone's best friend? 

I like to think so.

Are you rich? 

I myself am not wealthy; I do not have a lot of money. But I'm very ambitious and motivated and creative and it's sufficient.

What were you doing at 12am last night? 

Having a nice-enough conversation with someone.

Christmas in Jogja is a very interesting experience. I suppose Christmas anywhere in the Southern Hemisphere is interesting for a person raised in the States. It's odd because it should be winter, my head thinks that it's winter, but it's very warm and often sweltering and there is no snow. It's odd seeing faux evergreen trees without any snow on the ground.

—

Anyways Ie Lili came from Jakarta and yesterday we went to the Kraton and to Beringharjo. I think I'll be stopping by Beringharjo again today with Rain, and it'll probably be more enjoyable with her simply because friends are usually more fun than family. 

I have so many boy cousins. This was on the side of the road. We ate dinner there.

My cousin, my uncle, my grandma from my mom's side, and yours truly.

Me, my cousin again, my aunt (that's his mom), and some random dude.

Detailing from a fence inside the Kraton.

First I'll offer my apologies for the I was rather (read: incredibly) grumpy last night after I got in a tiff with someone about how I treat my sopir (driver) too familiarly. It made me a little upset, because that person started saying things like how "they're not on the same level as you" and how I shouldn't be so nice or friendly. I take issue with that because 1. I'm trusting this person with my life so I'd rather be on good terms with them and 2. "levels"? The notion of castes or levels is just so...outdated and useless.

I actually really love Jogja because it's boring. It means that I get to focus on my work and on doing nothing, and I like that. I also like visiting the Kanisius schools. But I suppose my favorite (this is reading like an elementary school essay and I apologize for that) thing to do in Jogja is go to the Catholic church in Ganjuran. 

I'm not Catholic, and if anything I'm nondenominational Christian. I really really hate organized religion. But I like going with my aunt-from-Jogja (Wa Ie, because she's my mother's oldest sibling) when she brings flowers to the Ganjuran. It seems a lot more humble and less contrived and so much more sincere than following along with a sermon that makes me fall asleep. 

What else did we do yesterday? Not much of anything. I slept for hours in the car.

These are just rambles today because I'm tired and I have plans with dear Rain. So I'm not in front of the computer for long. I hope you're having a better weekend than I am, sweethearts.

Part Of Speech Remains Unknown

This post, of course, is necessary. Anyways as you may well know I have a very serious aversion to watching movies or reading books alone. But actually I can watch movies alone, as long as I am left alone for a period of time to digest and think about them. I watched 2 movies today: Birdman and Interstellar. Actually I began watching Interstellar with an ex-boyfriend (he was my boyfriend at the time) but he was distracted and so I never got around to watching it. Until today. By the way I highly recommend both of them. If I get around to making a "LIST OF MOVIES THEODORA BELIEVES EVERY SENSIBLE HUMAN BEING SHOULD WATCH" they will be on those lists.

And here, a poem:

Colo(u)r

Is there a proper barrier between accessible and luminous?
I am wondering about the train again. What about Camus?
We were waiting for him, and for little Murakami to arrive.
Are they here yet? If not, won't you take out your guitar
and sing me something sweet? 

If I die and you want to remember me:
name a shade of rose gold after me, and if not that,
try a proper lavender shade.  Toss it on all the walls and say,
Hey, that looks nice. Life moves quickly,
in all-encompassing shades of cool that sweep us off our feet.
Don't—fall behind, dear. I admit, I miss you.

?????
(part of speech remains unknown)

A gathering orchestrated across an arbitrary number of miles and years. A practice in letting the most profound things remain in the mouth.
The rest of the time it is a softer feeling;
this is practical because it moves one mountain and is never too hard to bear.
A play in which the actors remain x number of miles apart;
all scenes play out in the theoretical space between them.

See also: Is patience a renewable resource?

Scene 1 // It is more beautiful to be thrilling than beautiful.
A softspoken voice that is most keenly felt when eaten by the rain. Park bench.

Scene 2 // Late summer night marked by sweat and cotton candy,
riding the merry-go-round. A fight breaks out over the chariot,
and then the lion, and then the horses. 

Scene 3 // The earth is holding itself. The smell of wet dirt and
worms, rubbery on the sidewalk. A house across the street has filled with water
but strangely, the town is just fine.

Scene 4 // A cafe. There is nothing soft about bare skin.
Too many words and obscure songs which only he has ever heard of.
They exist only because he is there as testament to them.

Scene 5 // During a foray to the library they argue about Camus.
"Would you rejoice more at a god of Death," he asks, "or the death of God?

Scene 6 // On a slip of paper she writes: Must one feel
something to feel something? No other words are exchanged. 

Scene 7 // Boy-man alone, triumphant, ruling on a throne of books
he has read and dissected before a crowd. 

The meeting was always inevitable; it was planned long before
his arrival, and mine. After looking out
the window for enough time the cactus grew tired and fell
in a mess to the wood panels, the
artificial ones that were seventy-five cents a yard.

The least of the things to worry about is to-morrow,
which will be solved quickly enough with all the
other problems and vexations.

Because I cannot speak about you without
including myself in the equation, here is an apology.
Part of me wonders what happens when the camera pans
away from each of these scenes. We live life equally, until
somewhere between the interludes and stained moments the truth
comes out, laid bare before the others. Urban forests, and then the
realization that words aren't enough anymore. The gods have known
that for centuries, waiting all the while.

—

I wrote a lot of poems today and it was a triumph. It was a productive day, I think? There is a whole lot of traffic in Jogja right now (not literally because it is 12 in the morning) because everyone is going on vacation, I think. I will not make this a very long blog post because really I just wanted to post the poem. But I will tell you a little about my day!
I arrived last night in Jogja at around 02:30 am. Then I ate 2 slices of pizza and started reading Frankenstein. Now, I am incapable of putting a book down until I have finished it. Incapable. Naturally this means I finished the book last night. So I think I went to bed at around 4 in the morning. Frankenstein is also a wonderful book, by the way! I woke up this morning at 11 am which is the latest I've woken up in weeks. I am not sure yet what I will be doing in Jogja but hopefully this vacation will be fun. At the very least I will be writing a whole lot of short stories and poetry.

Maybe for my next blog post(s) I will review Birdman and Interstellar. Anyway I hope you are having a lovely day, my deers! I think I will go to sleep now (or very, very soon).

I love you!

Ebi