Electric Ocean // Updates

This is the first post I'm making that doesn't have the standard picture header. But that's because this is a different kind of post.

I made a playlist. It's called Electric Ocean. You don't have to listen to it in a specific order, and in the download link I'm going to give you, the songs will all be downloaded alphabetically. Here's the download link. Other playlists I'll make will have a specific order but this one is a little bit different because it celebrates 3 years of life with my best friend. So it's not a super specific playlist with a specific aesthetic. It's just a chronicle of our memories. If you don't feel like downloading it you can listen to it here.

I'm just thinking a little about where I want to go from here. There are so many goals I want to achieve and I'm full of doubt. Who do I get close to? And all that stuff. I kind of want to move to PR from IBA because I feel like I'd like PR so much more. I feel stupid that I chose IBA simply because I was worried that PR wouldn't make enough money. It sucks that I'm always thinking about money, you know? But now I'm wanting to make a magazine and I'm really starting to regret not joining PR.

My cousin helps me a lot because she prays the 'rosary of liberation' with me. I think that after we started regularly praying I've been doing better. I know, I know, I'm not Catholic. If anything I'm nondenominational Christian. But I pray it with her every night and I always feel better afterwards. The sinking feeling about my academics and my time at SGU also fades whenever I pray regularly. So I think I'm going to keep doing it.

The seniors are always telling me that our sense of belonging is lacking, and maybe they're right. But when a bunch of the students in my class don't even want to go to makrab and we never really spend time together, how can our sense of belonging become stronger? We need more assemblies and university-wide events, rather than things that are just for SO or major-specific.

I've been getting up to date on fashion, which means, of course, stalking the Louis Vuitton S/S 2016 show. Fernanda Hin Lin Ly (left, famous for her pink hair) walked the show, and I think five other new models debuted.  It was a futuristic show, with light elements and big screen projections. Like installation art. Chunky pieces, metal, and leather were probably the defining traits of the show.

I'm just including this picture because I really like her hair and her outfit, even though I doubt it would look stellar on me. I hope someday I'll have enough money to be able to afford Louis Vuitton, and that I'll be responsible with that money rather than spending it on unnecessary luxuries.

Anyways, it looks like Paris Fashion Week was gorgeous. I wonder if I'll be able to go to Jakarta Fashion Week and someday even to PFW. And all the other Fashion Weeks. Semoga, ya.

I'm in the library right now, writing this post because my classes for the day are over. Later I have choir practice, but I also have a meeting for BEM Education. A lot of people are saying in the group chat that they can't make it, which makes me feel sad for some unknowable reason. Maybe because I wish people cared more? Or were more solid? It's different, going to a relatively unknown university in Indonesia. It doesn't help that we're next to Prasetiya Mulya, which is apparently the best university in Indonesia for business. People in my class like to compare SGU to Prasmul, which makes me sad. It also makes me kind of angry because they don't want to work to do a better job and raise SGU's status in the community and country, but they can still compare us to Prasmul.

I've been listening to Justin Bieber's "What Do You Mean" a lot more than I should. I think a lot of other people are too, because sometimes I'll be walking to class or sitting in the library and then I'll hear someone sing it. I really like the song, though.  

Can someone help me understand why everyone seems to call me some variation of "dumpling"? Are my cheeks really that chubby? (o^_^o)

Look at me, sharing all my feelings in this post. Sorry if I'm being a little bit lame! I'm not sure what to add to this post. I've been tired and haven't really been sleeping on time, so I'm going to try and take better care of myself. This is just a reminder to please try and take care of yourself. You're precious and lovable and valued in this world and I hope you know that. Even if you can't accept it, please know that however wrong you might think I am, I believe it so much.

Love,
Rin

Happy National Poetry Day!!

Happy National Poetry Day, my lovely sheep! Some questions I've been asked this week:

HOW DO YOU POETRY?
HOW DO YOU PERFORM THE POETRY?
HOW CAN I WRITE BETTER POETRY?

Honestly, I don't believe there's such a thing as "better poetry", but I do think there's a thing called "more evocative poetry". So that's what I'm going to try and help you out with! Poetry and the written and spoken word are beautiful, beautiful creations that have the power to unite people all around the world, so I hope this post motivates you to write some or helps you improve.

1. When you're stuck, write about things you know.

This will be a little bit related to point 2. Sometimes I get writer's block by comparing my writing to other people's writing and trying to write about the same things they do, even if I've personally never experienced those topics. For example: someone on the Internet will talk about forests and robots. And I'll be so inspired that I start trying to write about forests and robots too. And then I get really frustrated because I don't know anything about robots and I know marginally little about forests so then I feel bad and I feel like I'm not good enough and I should stop writing forever.

That's a really unhealthy way of thinking because everyone has different experiences and you can't really compare yourself to people who come from different backgrounds, cultures, lives, etc. You may think your story is uninteresting or even lame, but I promise that skill with words can turn even a dull experience into something lively and heartrending.

Anyways, if you look up spoken word poetry on Youtube and watch some videos, you may realize that all of the poets seem to talk or write about topics that mean a lot to them. It's easy to write about things we care about because we have strong feelings about them and can be more creative when we write. Passion can sing so loudly within a poem about subject matter you hold dear to you, whether that's love or forests or robots or pancakes.

2. Don't try too hard to be academic or literary.

I started really writing poetry when I was 12 or 13 years old. At first I would just write about the horrible boys I was crushing on at the time, or I'd lament about my sad life. Then, I started getting critiques on my poetry. It was "edgy" and "angsty". It makes sense that my writing would be angsty, especially since I was a super-emotional teenage girl, but from about 14 to 16 I went through this phase where I would try super hard to sound intelligent. I'd constantly emulate Longfellow or John Donne or some other great poet. I'd use stupid words like "translucent" or "chimerical". It was frustrating, because my voice got clouded in the process and it took months to get that out of my writing. This is beyond cliche, but just be yourself. We like to read language that is natural, and there's no rule saying that we need to sound like a college professor to write.

3. Practice reading your poetry to an audience.

Before I performed at Salihara, I practiced reading "Weeks" in front of Durian a lot. We have an outdoor cafeteria called the MENSA, so that's where I would read to him, standing up and practicing hand motions and slowly memorizing my poem. I was really scared about looking like an idiot in front of all the people coming and going out of the MENSA, which is why it was such good experience. Repetition also helped me to really memorize the poem and instill it with my personal style/dramatism.

I have some form of social anxiety, but I've been trying to face those fears, and spoken word poetry has been a really helpful way to get me out of that paranoid and self-conscious mindset. My advice is to find a good friend you can trust to be supportive and honest and is patient enough to listen to you read/recite your poetry.

Also, I think that spoken poetry is often more powerful when it is memorized. So the more you practice, the more you can memorize. Don't be lazy practicing! I practiced in the shower, at the MENSA, during class, in the car...Basically every free chance that you get, recite a verse or stanza or even all of your poem.

4. Read a lot of poetry.

There's a difference between reading poetry to "learn" and reading poetry to learn. Just like we can read books and absorb different styles, different ways of writing the same scene, different--everything--we can also read different poems by different authors and learn techniques from them. How does a certain poet describe a sunset? How does a different poet describe that sunset? How do certain poets express different emotions, like anger or frustration? How do poets use white space and non-alphabet characters to express a thought?

Poems don't have to be in an analog book. You can find so many wonderful poems on the internet now. Tumblr is an especially ripe garden for poetry.

Along this same thought, watch a lot of poetry! Sarah Kay and Phil Kaye and Lemon Andersen all have different methods of spoken poetry. They use their bodies and hands differently. They have different intonations and inflections when speaking.

-

I tried to make this post short and simple so you could focus on the most important aspects of writing poetry. I hope you enjoy #NationalPoetryDay and maybe even feel inspired to write some poetry of your own. If you do, feel free to tell me about it in the comments below or tweet to me @HELLORINNIE!

Love,

Rin

Salihara Poetry Slam Happy Times!!

Aduhhhhh sumpah I'm so happy that I was able to attend the Salihara Poetry Slam. Now that it's done, I'm happy to share the poem I wrote with you! As you might remember, it's called "Weeks".

WEEKS

Sunday:
When I tell them I have anxiety disorder
they look at me with something like pity in their eyes,
something like "I was just kind of curious but I didn't
mean to make you
think I cared."

Monday:
A boy told me to open up more and then
he drove away even as I held a bottle of
61 pills in my right hand 3 1 1 2 1 4

Tuesday:
About me:
In my dreams there is a field of crocuses on the night
of the blood moon: a million flowers,
covering the tracks of the children,
who are disappearing one
by one
by one into the forest.

Holden Caulfield is there,
catching them just before they
jump off the cliff

Wednesday:
All the past versions of me are tucked into
the limitless pockets of a boy named after

here, a random photo of me.

the sun. I told him that he shone. I told him
a lot of things. I was a good liar. When
everyone around me laughs I laugh along into empty
space and all around me are canyons and, baby, I am
far

away.

Thursday:
The river was really cold,
I say.
I stare at fires,
I say.
They spit out little bugs that
leave trails of light behind for (~)2
seconds before
fluttering into ash, I am a
firebug,
I

[breathe]

Friday:
Every day I see you in school and
honestly there is nothing
wonderful
about you. This is not going to be
anything romantic. It's just me saying
sometimes  I look at your hands
and wonder
if they are nice to hold,
and
sometimes
I wonder if there is a universe out there
for all the lovers
who never got to spend their lives together,
I pretend I will see you again,
I pretend you are not
the death of me,
I pretend that I am fine whenever
I don't get perfect scores,
when I am shivering in nameless rivers
I pretend
I am
not
cold

Saturday:
When I tell them the stories
of my mother and I and the way she stuffed
chili powder into my mouth when I was
bad,
or when she broke the broom
hitting me,
or when I sat out for hours
waiting for her to pick me up

they look at me with something like pity
in their eyes
and I am really just betting
at that point,
that when I send mail out
it won't be back in my mailbox
after a few weeks

Sunday:
I tell my stories over and
over and over and
over again thinking that maybe
for once probability will be on my side
and that someone
will care enough to
message me at 3am to say,
Hey
I miss you

I am the walking open book
I am here to say,
baby,
look at all the goddamn stars.

They chose three winners and I'm so happy to say I was one of them (yeah, I know the photo is blurry). I really need to invest in a good camera....

I got that adorable tumbler and a 100.000 Rp. + 50.000 Rp. voucher to Periplus Bookstore. Hopefully I'll get to use the vouchers soon because there's supposedly a Periplus store at Summarecon Mal Serpong. Durian and Vanilla and Choco were there and adorable! I left my house with Durian and here's a special shout-out to you, mister, for supporting me and for listening to me practice my poem over and over and over this past week. Sumpah, it helped me so much. 

And here's a selfie Vanilla and Choco and I took <3:

Rain and the lovely Avi were also there and that made me happy, I'm glad I finally got to meet Avi and that I also got to meet Rain again. She's honestly one of my favorite people!!!!

There were so many talented poets that came to the Poetry Slam, including Rara Rizal. I loved her poem and the feeling and emotion in it. I wish I could watch it again because it had some really fantastic lines and it was a joy to watch. Ayu's poem for introverts was also absolutely amazing and it really spoke to me because, of course, I'm an introvert. And it just makes me want to keep producing and being brave enough to read my poetry. 

There was also some really good (and dark) coffee for sale there and I'm kind of craving it again, so maybe I'll have to go back to Salihara next week, hehehe.

I'm going to make my next post a short guide on how to write poetry and include some tips that really helped (and continue to help) me, even though honestly I don't believe I'm qualified enough to write that sort of post. But since some people are requesting my advice I'm more than honored to give it! Please look forward to that! Also, I'll try and see if anyone got a recording of my performance so that I can post it here for anyone who is curious. I think that "Weeks" is the sort of poem that really needs to be heard rather than read. Thank you so much for coming along on my adventures and cheering me on. All of you readers and listeners push me to keep writing and reading and working hard to improve for your sake!

So much love,

Rin

Quiet Saturdays

I feel ready to post today! Today I'm going to share my adventures from this lovely Friday. I was supposed to go to Jaksel to hang out with Rain but a lot of stuff happened and I wasn't allowed to go...so I went to the IBA parent meeting at SGU and it was all very nice until my teacher began talking about how sometimes they get students who are very aggressive and they have heavy burdens in their heart, or something along those lines. I was very annoyed because that was a very badly veiled reference to me. So badly veiled, in fact, that some of my friends gave me funny looks BECAUSE THEY OBVIOUSLY KNEW WHO SHE WAS OBVIOUSLY TALKING ABOUT.

Anyways, I was very annoyed so I decided to just leave the meeting. Impolite, maybe, but I never said I was a proper "lady".

So SGU has this month-long event called Octfest, and one of the events within the event is something called the External Cup. Today there were a few futsal matches and I went to watch them because I left early from the parent meeting and I'd also made plans with one of my other friends from IBA 1B. We met there and then afterwards my friend from Mechatronics (I need to start coming up with code names for these people so the friend from Mechatronics will be Durian) said he hadn't eaten yet so I said, well okay let's go eat somewhere. Now, there is that ever-so-convenient Aeon Mall right across from campus so Durian and I went there and then to the top floor, where there is a Wing Stop, and we ate, of course, chicken wings. Whew, that run-on.

After we got back I started practicing my two poems for tomorrow! I've fully memorized "Weeks" but I'm not quite there on "Blood Pact", so I'll have to practice some more tomorrow morning when I feel a little less exhausted. Okay, lanjut. I practiced, right? And afterwards Strawberry came and hung out with us for a while and we took selfies using my computer.

After practicing Durian had to go upstairs to help out with this SGU Alumni event (why the heck are there so many events on the same day??? Why??) and I was going to get picked up when I met Honey, who is in PR and is a little blunt and then she said, hey let's go to Aeon (again) and eat or something. But we didn't go right away because we were waiting for our other friends. Krupuk, who is also in MT like Durian, came over and he was all, "I'm so tiredddd let's go to Aeon or something. Oh, but let's wait for Durian!" And at the same time Kopi Hitam was sitting at the table with a sour look on his face so Krupuk wandered off and then Honey and I started talking to Kopi Hitam for a while. He is very cynical.

Afterwards I invited Jagung to come with us to Aeon and he said okay, but THEN HE FELL ASLEEP. So Honey and I went to his kost, which is like an apartment building but smaller. We picked him up and reconvened with Krupuk at SGU and then I fell asleep and then we finally went to Aeon and we met Durian there. So it was me, Honey, Krupuk, Durian, and Jagung. We ended up eating at this dim sum place which was at the top floor of Aeon. So today I went to Aeon twice!

Man, I'm really really excited and kind of not excited tomorrow. What's the word? Apprehensive, lah. I haven't actually gone out with Krupuk or Honey or Jagung before this so it was a little new, but I had fun! Really! I know, grumpy little Rin, actually having fun with people. Definitely a change from some of my previous blog entries where I complain about not having any friends. It turns out there are friends in other majors, and I just needed to stay optimistic! (I do have trouble with that though).

The book cover in my post picture today is The Strange Library, a book written by Haruki Murakami. I was on Jagung's Twitter when I saw that he reads Murakami so I immediately decided to ask him about it, since I've never read Murakami and have gotten very curious about him. It was a very good book so after tomorrow is done I'll try and reread it (I read it today in the car since it's an illustrated short story) and get back to you on how I think it is!

I fell asleep super early last night and woke up at 5:30 AM today. That wasn't super fun, because now I'm super tired again. I've been procrastinating on this blog because I've been reading so many other blogs, like Spoon & Tamago. Design blogs make me want to work hard and practice my own design skills so I can unite culture in a way that I really want for my future magazine.

Okay, my eyes have been hurting allll day. I think I'll have to say goodnight now. Thank you, as usual, for reading my blog! It means a lot to me to get positive feedback from you guys, whether it's