I Don't Wanna Be Your Cigarette

The intentionally blurry view outside of a little window.

I was walking back to the living room earlier this afternoon with a glass cup in my hand and in my daze I ran right into the wall. A shard of the cup (which, now ruined, had become a hasty weapon) dug into the little space between my thumb and pointer finger and it started bleeding. But I was too exhausted to care, so I wrapped a sock around my hand, cleaned up the mess, and retreated into my bedroom to sleep.

Now I am typing this with one fully-functioning right hand, one aching left hand, and one trilling heart. I haven't listened to music for the past two days because I've been so overly emotional, and whenever I listen to music it inevitably exacerbates whatever I am feeling at the moment. I'm not sure about your take on the situation but I am very loath to experience any acute feeling of apprehension, anxiety, or disappointment. (Now that my emotions have settled somewhat I will share some songs with you today).

My emotional hypersensitivity, by the way is also why I almost never watch movies on my own. Often at the end of a very good movie (think Fight Club, or V for Vendetta, or Dead Poets Society) I inexplicably feel like bawling. Cheeky! The world is so very cheeky. But we shan't dwell on that. Instead, let's listen to some songs!

01 / LONER by Kali Uchis: The dream is always the same / like a printed narrative / I know what's going to happen next / but I keep going through the motions.

Darling Rain introduced me to Kali Uchis, a Colombian pop artist who is, by every definition of the word, flawless. The one word to describe this song and this music video is: dreamy. Very vintage, very aesthetic, very neon. I love her dancing, her outfits, her look. Kali Uchis' voice is very easy to identify; you'll see in the coming songs that I am a sucker for female vocalists with unique voices. This is a ballad for all the introverts (yay to us) out there who are apprehensive or afraid of falling in love (again).

02 / THE LESS I KNOW THE BETTER by Tame Impala: Oh my love, can't you see that you're on my mind / Don't suppose we could convince your lover to change his mind.

This music video, which was only released about two weeks ago, is marvelous. Warning: probably not safe for work. "The Less I Know The Better" is from Tame Impala's latest album, Currents. These lyrics are imbibed with the all-too-familiar bitterness of unrequited love and, when paired an absolutely groovy (I'm justified in using that adjective because the music video is also very groovy) bass line, we are sucked into a very compelling trip. I feel like Tame Impala is great music to get high to. Not that I'm recommending it.

03/ AWOO by Lim Kim: The scorching glares of the wolves / they all lose their minds watching me / they must like what they see.

Lim Kim is a new favorite of mine. Her voice is so unique in a world saturated with tinny-sweet Korean voices (not that they're awful, but it gets stale after some time) and she always looks so wonderful in her music videos. The song's introduction and the video's cinematography are surreal.

This song is from her third mini-album and it's about the theory of love as a game, of flirtatious ups and downs (also possibly about something else but I'll leave that for you to figure out, hee). It bursts with vivacity, and its vibrant beats and synths + Lim Kim's cheeky and teasing voice turn this into an absolutely perfect song.

04 / STUCK ON THE PUZZLE by Alex Turner. Fingers dimming the lights / like you're used to being told that you're trouble.

"Stuck On The Puzzle" is from the film Submarine, and Alex Turner is from Arctic Monkeys. This song sounds a little bit like Tame Impalas, so if you like Arctic Monkeys you will probably like Tame Impalas and vice-versa. The music video is horrifically endearing and sweet and I remember gushing to Mozzarella yesterday (or the day before) about how lovely it was ("THAT! THAT'S HOW LIFE SHOULD BE! IT'S SO AWFUL AND ROMANTIC!"). Underneath all my blustery chill I suppose I am still, after all, the hopeless romantic I was eight years ago.

05 / OH NO! by Marina and the Diamonds: I know exactly why I walk and talk like a machine / I'm now becoming my own self-fulfilled prophecy.

Interestingly enough there is also a Bring Me The Horizon song titled "Oh No". Marina's song is obviously in a different genre, and far more lively and colorful. It's the fourth single from her debut album, The Family Jewels, which came out in 2010. While I continue to hold that Electra Heart is Marina's best and most cohesive album, The Family Jewels spawned some amazing singles. This song is about the artificiality of success and the emptiness that often accompanies achievement (it's ironic because we are always taught that reaching our goals will give us happiness). Marina looks like she's having so much fun in this MV and every time I watch it, it reminds me how much I adore her.

06 / FOLLOW YOU by Bring Me The Horizon: So you can drag me through Hell / if it meant I could hold your hand.

This is a fan video by a Youtube account that makes music videos for Bring Me The Horizon songs. I listen to it, and the album it came from (That's The Spirit, 2015), often enough that I've memorized the order of the songs. Lyrically it's in no way profound, and actually rather cheesy (Oli Sykes, how do you do it?) but I listen to it because someone dear to me introduced me to BMTH and because it is my favorite song from the album (I also recommend Throne). It's essentially a song from one person to another person that echoes the timeless sentiment of: I will love you until I die, and ever after.

07 / MODERN NATURE by Sondre Lerche: Oh, what a world this life would be / Forget all your technicolour dreams / Forget modern nature / This is how it's meant to be.

I am an absolute sucker for songs that are limited to vocals + guitar. Sondre is a Norwegian artist and composed most of the soundtrack for the movie Dan In Real Life, which is where this song comes from. Lillian Samdal also sings in this song, and it's really just a sweet song about the joys of falling (or perhaps having fallen) in love. I think this is a very muted and soft way to close this list of songs which is why I have saved it for last. It is like a little cake pop after a lovely dinner. 

—

My final exam (Business Mathematics) today was very difficult and I know I won't get a fantastic grade on it, but I suppose it's alright because out of all my classes, my best grade is in this one. I can afford to do poorly. Well—not really, but you know what I mean, don't you, darling?

I hope that you enjoy at least one of the songs on this list, and that you are having a blessed and calm week full of joy. As we near the close of the year I am a little anxious and worried (for no particular reason). I earnestly hope that 2015 will end with a kind and tender kiss for me and for all of you. Let's all make 2016 a year of joy and beauty.

I am sending all my love to you through a paper aeroplane.

Ebi

Any songs you want to recommend? You can tweet at me or leave a comment here :)